Pain Lessons

This past weekend, I was in a lot of pain. In fact, I'm going to venture to say that (at times) it may have been the worse pain I've ever experienced.

And I learned some things this past weekend that I don't think I ever would have learned any other way.

Let me start from the beginning. Actually, about two decades ago...

Twenty or so years ago, I was at Pine Lake (a water park of sorts) with my mom and Rachel on a summer day. I had been going off the 20-foot diving platform all day, and I finally got up the nerve to go off the 30-foot platform. I edged closer and closer to the edge, and then before I could stop myself, I stepped off. The feeling of free-falling was amazing! However, on the way down, I suddenly felt an extremely sharp pain in my left ear. I hit the water, sank under, and swam to the edge, stunned at the pain in my ear. I thought I had gotten hit or shot with something on the way down! We went to the doctor soon after and he confirmed what had really happened--I had perforated my eardrum. Wow...that was painful...but eardrums grow back and heal themselves. Isn't that amazing?

So for the next few years, I didn't think much about it. When I was a teenager, though, I flew on a plane quite a few times, and my left ear would always hurt so bad when we were descending. When I was in my early twenties, I went to an ENT doctor, because I had the feeling of always having water in my left ear. They said nothing could be done about it.

All that to say...I've had problems with my left ear most of my life. It's just kind of...not right.

Last Thursday I woke up, and both of my ears and my throat were hurting pretty badly. I went to the doctor, and he gave me a diagnosis: strep throat and a double ear infection. He gave me antibiotics, and I went home, praying the medicine would kick in soon.

During the night Thursday night, I woke up with excruciating pain in my left ear. I could hardly move. I barely slept that night, and Aaron had to stay home from classes Friday to watch the kids, because I could hardly stand up.

I made it through the day and night Friday, hoping and praying the whole time that the medicine would start working. By Saturday morning, I couldn't turn my head, open my jaw, or touch my ear without gasping or crying. Something was most definitely wrong.

Aaron took me to the emergency room Saturday morning, and the doctor took one look in my ear and said, "You need something MUCH stronger than what the first doctor prescribed you." He gave me new medicine, some ear numbing drops (which didn't really work) and some prescription pain medication (which worked miracles). If this doesn't totally work, I may have to have a procedure done to my ear to drain it so that I can hear again. (Right now I'm pretty much deaf on that side because of all of the fluid and pressure in it...)

I laid in bed for the next two days in and out of excruciating pain. It hurt from the top of my head all the down to my teeth, my jaw, and my neck. I couldn't even touch the left side of my face without causing pain.

As I was laying there, one of my dear friends whom I had asked to pray for me texted me and said she was indeed praying for me. Then she added these words: Count it all joy.

Count it all joy. 

Wow. When I read that, I realized just how much of an attitude adjustment I needed. And as I began to think about it, blessing after blessing and lesson after lesson started coming to my mind, reminding me how good and how faithful God is.

So, here...in no particular order...are lessons that I learned while I was in pain. 

1. I am blessed. Oh so very blessed. I have antibiotics readily available for me. Doctors who know what they are doing. Pain medication to dull the pain I was in. A comfortable bed in an air conditioned house to lay in. Food and water. I could go on and on.

2. Entitlement is wrapped up in my heart and in my worldview. When Aaron and I were in the van on the way to the ER, he said, "I hope they can do something for you." And I replied (in a muffled voice, because I couldn't open my mouth very far), "They have to, don't they? They can't just let people live in pain like this!!" And very soon after the words were out of my mouth, it occurred to both me and Aaron what I had just said. How many, many, many people there are in this world living in indescribable pain. I feel like it is my right...as an American and as a human, I guess...to live without pain. But what about the tribal man who develops an infection like mine? In many tribes, his kinsmen would put him in his hammock and simply let him die, because he no longer can work in the gardens and hunt. "They can't just let people live in pain like this..." What selfish, revealing words. I'm praying that my heart would be moved more in compassion for the majority of the world, where that is not a true statement at all. Because the truth is...I am not entitled to a pain-free life. In fact, I am not entitled to my next breath. Each one is a pure, undeserved gift.

3. God knows in advance what I will need. I knew this before, but had such a stark reminder of it this past weekend. Do you know what God was doing about a week before my infection began? He was orchestrating a trip for my parents to come see us. My mom emailed Rachel and me about a week and a half ago and said, "So Dad and I were thinking...since there is a three-day weekend coming up, maybe we will come to Missouri to visit you guys. What do you guys think?" Well, they decided to come (for a very quick, last-minute trip), and they got here just in time to help me when I needed them. When Aaron and I had to go to the ER Saturday morning, they had just arrived hours before. They took over the care of our children, and helped me more than they will ever know. God is so good. He knew we needed them here this weekend. So He sent them to us.

4. My husband is wonderful. I'm sure I've said that on this blog many different times, but I was just reminded of it anew this past weekend. Aaron is compassionate and selfless. He spent days and nights as a "single father" before my parents arrived, and still did much of the work around our house and with our children even after they arrived. He listened to my cries of pain and complaints without annoyance. He asked me time and time and time again what he could do for me. I cannot imagine a better husband than him.

5. Spending time with my children is a treasure. Oftentimes I can forget that. I can get caught up with how much work my children are or how I have to take care of them all three all day again. But being confined to my bed for three or four days seriously made me see how much of a gift it is to be able to take care of them and play with them and just be with them. I missed them so much while I was in sick. And I don't want to take them for granted again. I want to thank God every day He gives me with them that I have the privilege of taking care of them.

6. I take my health for granted daily. Being in almost constant pain for a few days showed me that. I guarantee I won't go a day for a very long time without thanking God that I am healthy and pain-free and able to function in my everyday life.

7. The Word is my refuge in time of need. The first couple of days, when I was just laying in bed, trying not to move because my ear hurt so much, the only thing I wanted to do was read the Word. I knew I would find comfort there. And I did. And I wish that more often, reading the Word would be the only thing I want to do even when everything is ok. I pray that God would continue to change my heart so that His Word is always my biggest desire.

8. Our world is fallen. Ok, so I obviously already knew this... but it just struck me how quickly our bodies can fail us. How quickly I can go from healthy, feeling good, and not having any cares in the world to curled up in ball, wondering if I'm going to die from the pain. (That literally went through my head several times..."Can a person actually have pain this bad and not die???" Pretty sure that same thought went through my head during childbirth.) And I'm sure I was exaggerating some...people live with much more pain than I was experiencing. But...the bottom line is, we really are just one small incident away from death. Our bodies are weak and frail. PRAISE GOD that we will be receiving NEW bodies...ones that will last forever. How exciting!

9. The body of Christ is a source of SUCH encouragement. I can't even count the number of phone calls, texts, messages, visits, gifts, and offers to help that we received while I was sick. My fellow brothers and and sisters showed our family love in very tangible ways (like bringing these flowers over to our house). We were encouraged. 

And finally...the last lesson I learned...

10. If you go into an emergency room crying, they will take you RIGHT BACK to a room without making you wait in the waiting room!! Aaron and I walked up to the receptionist at the desk in the ER, and she glanced up at us and said, "Name, please?" Then she looked up at us more closely and saw that I was crying and literally falling apart. She said, "Nevermind! We don't have to do this here! Come on, come on, let's get you back there!" :) I'm guessing they are either very compassionate...or it's not good for their "business" to have people sobbing in their waiting room. I will choose to believe the former. :)

I can't say that I truly 100% count it ALL JOY. But I am closer than before. Pain teaches some pretty potent lessons. And for that, I am grateful.