I Don't Have It All Together

After I posted my last "Day in the Life" post, someone made this comment:

"I would like to see/hear when life doesn't go according to schedule...which I am sure happens to everyone at some point."

That comment made me starting thinking.

And around that same time, I gave a devotion to some students here in one of our classes on Psalm 27:1. In it, I highlighted some of the fears that I struggle with about going overseas. On the students' evaluations of my speech, one student wrote this:

 "You always seem like someone who has it all together...so to hear that you have fears like the rest of us was very refreshing."

And that comment made me start thinking. About a lot.

About how I do most of the time, naturally, post about the positive, funny, happy, and smooth moments.

About how my personality (confident and independent, perhaps?) can send the message to people that "I have it all together." 

And about how I don't want to send that message to people. Because the truth is... 

I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.


Seriously. I am needy and weak and fallen...and in desperate need of God's daily grace. Any organization, order, and competence I exhibit at all? Totally the gift and grace of God.

So that's what precipitated this post. Here's some honesty.

For the most part, my days really do look like my "Day in the Life" posts...but...with some of this stuff below mixed in there as well ;)


Here we go:

-Sometimes I don't eat breakfast or lunch or both, because I am so busy with the kids at those times.


-Sometimes all four kids are crying at the same time. Or three kids. Or two kids. Or one kid. A lot of crying goes on.

-Sometimes I am crying before breakfast (happened just a couple weeks ago) because I'm overwhelmed by the day ahead and the rough start we had.


-Sometimes I fight tears when I think about how simple our lives were (or how I remember them to be) a decade ago. 


-Sometimes I go to Aaron and say, "I CAN'T DO THIS!" and he says, "Can't do what?" and I say, "I don't know! But I know I can't do it!" (He is very good at talking to me when I'm having one of these moments...he always gets me smiling eventually.) :)


-Sometimes one of my kids gets snot on my shirt first thing in the morning, but I don't bother changing all day.


-Sometimes I don't discipline one of our kids when they need to be disciplined, because I am already disciplining one of the other kids. Or because I'm too tired. 


-Sometimes (a lot of times) I am humbled by how patient Aaron is with our kids (and with me), because I am not always patient with them.



-Sometimes I don't take a shower for three days in a row, because when I finally have time (around 11:00 pm), all I want to do is sleep.


-Sometimes I clean up several messes like this in a day. Or in an hour.

-Sometimes I dread going somewhere (even though it is an exciting or fun place to go) just because of all of the kids and the stuff that goes along with the kids that we have to take along.


-Sometimes I forget my kids' hats or mittens or jackets when we go to class (when it's chilly out) because I can be so disorganized and preoccupied in the morning. Then I think about it halfway through the morning when I'm sitting in class, and I feel so bad, because I think they are probably the only kids playing outside with cold hands. :(


-Sometimes I have no idea what we're going to have for supper five minutes before it's time to eat.


-Sometimes I catch myself having unrealistic expectations for my kids.


-Sometimes I will go a few days without opening the Bible... usually due to oversleeping.


-Sometimes Aaron has to do his own laundry, because I forget to.


-Sometimes Aaron has to do my laundry, because it is so piled up.


-Sometimes my kids (one kid, in particular...) puke at other people's houses. And I want to die of embarrassment.


-Sometimes I forget important things, because I forgot to write them on the calendar. (side note here...I literally NEVER forgot stuff before I was pregnant with Abel...so I'm blaming this one totally on baby-brain, even though it's been two years since I was pregnant. Pregnancy totally affected my mind...negatively! But of course, it was worth it.) :)


-Sometimes one of my kids hits or bites or pushes someone else's kid.


-Sometimes my kids reveal to me just how much work God still has to do on me and just how strong my flesh still is.


-Sometimes my kids need a bath, but I don't have time or I am too tired to give them one. So instead, I wipe them down from head to toe with baby wipes.


-Sometimes I wonder if we are doing the right thing when we make a decision about some aspect of raising our kids.


-Sometimes (ok, a lot of times) we are late, because I always underestimate how much time it will take to get four little humans ready and out the door.


-Sometimes I can barely concentrate in class, because my mind is preoccupied with my kids.


-Sometimes I can barely concentrate on what my kids are saying, because my mind is preoccupied with things we are learning in class.



I love being a mom. I love being a wife. I love training to be missionaries. I love our life. BUT...it's true...it's hard. And even though I do believe I have some God-given gifts in organization, I do not have it all together. Not even close. 

But God does. And His grace is always sufficient, in every one of the above scenarios.

If I ever get a tattoo, it will be of these song lyrics:
"Oh to grace, how great a debtor 
daily I'm constrained to be."
(But don't worry, Dad...I probably won't get one...) ;)


Just being real. Thanks for reading. And thanks for encouraging me, Casie, to be honest and write about what happens when life doesn't go according to schedule.